All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I need moral support for this bender
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
