mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize