She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
