he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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