I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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