Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
