My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
