I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
