Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
