five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
