Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
