Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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