I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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