im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
