I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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