matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
