i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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