I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
