I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
