lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
