apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
