I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
