I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
