At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
