do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
