Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
