I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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