Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
