It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize