garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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