Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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