dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
