My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
