my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
