I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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