I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
