Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
