Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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