Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
third nipple confirmed
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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