It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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