I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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