I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
