What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
