Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
