did you get engaged???
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
