Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
