I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
