I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
