It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
