You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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