We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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