i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
