I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
