That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
