he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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