evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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