Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize