I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This baby is an asshole
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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