It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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