Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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