Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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