ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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