Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
