A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
