and she was petting her beer can
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
