I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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