anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
