Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
