wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
