i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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