i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Everclear isn't food dammit
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
